As a school girl, the word “relationship” denoted a bond between me and another girl (as I’m a female in a girl school.). Then as a collegian it was a girl-guy thing. Later when I started working, it was me with my colleagues and my family, largely extended; which included tons of uncles and aunts, who somehow looked the same to me. They also came along with loads of fancy cousins; all who wanted to beat the other in one thing or the other. I never have managed to understand the need to be better then the rest till date.
After getting married, I had more new and rather complex relationships, in-laws, their relatives (how will I remember their faces and names when for all these years I haven’t managed to remember mine?). How do I call his parents “mom and dad” when I hardly know them, yes mine was a complete arranged marriage.
Though relationships are assorted, between people from different cultures, castes creed etcetera, in varied circumstances and situations, there are still some underlined truths that we all know but don’t acknowledge. The very soul of a relationship is based on the fact that relationships are meant to please others first then us, if we are amongst the few lucky ones.
The burden of maintaining and sustaining the relationship is the realm of the female counterpart in most cases in our Indian society. After a broken marriage the girl is usually blamed irrespective of her role in the divorce. The Indian lady is always told to keep mute about her situation and asked to accept it under the name of destiny.
Take the case of a drunkard husband or a violent one for that matter; is it her fault that she married someone off beam?
In a parental relationship or in a love relationship, committed or not committed, in most of the situations, even between friends, if you are prepared to give, to adjust or accommodate and go as per the other you are a “good” person, but as soon as you say listen I’m not comfortable with this, you are damaged goods. As long as you go with the flow, all is well but as soon as you try to tide things your way, you are drowning the liaison.
Like in case of a unworthy parents, children most of the times don’t have any other options then to keep mum; in a marriage gone sour, parents at times may keep the bond official for the kids sake, whether it is right or wrong is another matter.
It all depends on how much we need the relationship. I had read somewhere, saying sorry does not mean you are wrong, it means you value the relationship more than the other person. So it all boils down to one thing, our necessity to keep the bond, our need for the other person.
At the end of it a they say, it is better to bend than to break, but to what extend we are willing to bend is an individualistic choice. And the urge to break may be too tempting but not practical in some circumstances.