Relatioships

As a school girl, the word “relationship” denoted a bond between me and another girl (as I’m a female in a girl school.). Then as a collegian it was a girl-guy thing. Later when I started working, it was me with my colleagues and my family, largely extended; which included tons of uncles and aunts, who somehow looked the same to me. They also came along with loads of fancy cousins; all who wanted to beat the other in one thing or the other. I never have managed to understand the need to be better then the rest till date.

After getting married, I had more new and rather complex relationships, in-laws, their relatives (how will I remember their faces and names when for all these years I haven’t managed to remember mine?). How do I call his parents “mom and dad” when I hardly know them, yes mine was a complete arranged marriage.

Though relationships are assorted, between people from different cultures, castes creed etcetera, in varied circumstances and situations, there are still some underlined truths that we all know but don’t acknowledge. The very soul of a relationship is based on the fact that relationships are meant to please others first then us, if we are amongst the few lucky ones.

The burden of maintaining and sustaining the relationship is the realm of the female counterpart in most cases in our Indian society. After a broken marriage the girl is usually blamed irrespective of her role in the divorce. The Indian lady is always told to keep mute about her situation and asked to accept it under the name of destiny.

Take the case of a drunkard husband or a violent one for that matter; is it her fault that she married someone off beam?

In a parental relationship or in a love relationship, committed or not committed, in most of the situations, even between friends, if you are prepared to give, to adjust or accommodate and go as per the other you are a “good” person, but as soon as you say listen I’m not comfortable with this, you are damaged goods. As long as you go with the flow, all is well but as soon as you try to tide things your way, you are drowning the liaison.

Like in case of a unworthy parents, children most of the times don’t have any other options then to keep mum; in a marriage gone sour, parents at times may keep the bond official for the kids sake, whether it is right or wrong is another matter. 

It all depends on how much we need the relationship. I had read somewhere, saying sorry does not mean you are wrong, it means you value the relationship more than the other person. So it all boils down to one thing, our necessity to keep the bond, our need for the other person.

At the end of it a they say, it is better to bend than to break, but to what extend we are willing to bend is an individualistic choice. And the urge to break may be too tempting but not practical in some circumstances.

Life of a Wife

When she left her home, her family, her playmates, the very place of her existence, her security blanket; she came bound with expectations, anxiety and hope of a new place, a new family new friends and of-course lots of love. But she found out, rather brutally, that she had a new house now not a home, new people in her life and new responsibilities that forced her into being a woman, no longer allowed her girlishness.

She was told she will have new parents who will love her like a daughter, they told her she was their daughter, so she had to behave and do as she was told. She was told to live in the house like their daughter, but she had to keep her head covered, to show respect, and eyes should be cast down, always. They were grooming her to be a better person. What will happen to her individualism her entity? Was she not good the way she was, and if not why get to your house?

They had asked her how she fared in academia, something her parents have always been proud of, but then they told her she “need not work” as it was not a done in their family. Was she not a part of their family? And does her choice not matter? How does anyone have the right to determine what another adult wants? Is it also not a loss to the country’s productivity?

No sick leaves, no temper tantrums, no discussions and no questioning the elders, because whatever they say, they do it is for her “betterment”, they have seen more in life than her, so who is she to say “All izz not well”. What happens to her aspirations, her dreams and her desirers? Will she have to forget it all for the fulfillment of their expectations of a daughter-in-law?

They told her she had to take up the responsibility of the kitchen, she was the queen of the kitchen, but she could only cook what they want her to, where no preference is given to her taste or her liking. There was responsibility but where was the authority? Why is she made to smile and forget what she is, who she was?

Some of us may not be able to relate to what I have written, but friends, trust me there are lots of people out there whose fate is worse than this too. Let us keep in mind these people when we complain about not having better amongst the best. Please do spare a minute here and pray to thank the All Mighty for all that he has given to us and lets us also try to do whatever we can in our own small ways to help someone who is less fortunate than us.

God has given us the emotions, the feelings that only a human possess, so let’s do something with it. Let us not look down on the victim, but let us be with her, she does not want our sympathy, she wants to be loved, she want to be accepted for what she is, not what she is made to be.

In all our lives, our surroundings, our society, next time when we come across someone who is in an inopportune setting than us, let us take a pledge to do whatever we can to bring a smile on her face. And then feel the smile on your face and soul grow.

I would also like you to write in the comment box of what you’ve done that brought on that special smile for you.

I am participating in the WeBlog's Sleepy Sunday contest! You may read other participating posts HERE

Musing life, missing life

 A long time back when I was still in college-oh those days!, how we always miss what we have left back. During college I used to miss school days, when I was in school I used to be waiting and praying to get done with it ASAP. After getting done with college when I was working I wanted to go back to college and now when I’m married I want to be single.

We all are insecure to some extend at all times. If it was not for our insecurities we would not want to do better and more, we would be content and live life with whatever has been bestowed on us. Why do we crave to be one on top of the rest? What is wrong in being one AMONG the rest? What makes us always ask “why me?” why not “WHY NOT ME?”?

In wanting more and more, we miss out on what we have today also. Why want more if you can’t even enjoy what you have today? Are we not letting the joys of the present slip away by remising about the past, about what we don’t have? Something like crying over spilt milk, but why we do it is to be figured out by each of us on our terms. For some this may be due to fear of what the future holds. It could also be because we may be lacking the confidence to face the unknown. Another aspect could also be a lower self morale.

Our self esteem and state of mind go a long way in framing the way we feel. All these are also influenced by our childhood connections and other factors that we had to be in while growing up.

But if we instill the feeling of being satiated, being content then we may be in a better situation to face the reality better. And the feeling of well being in itself leads to a better future. All in all, it is our sub-conscious mind that we should learn to make believe that a better tomorrow is in store for us. All we have to do is learn the mantra and also engrave it in our minds, souls, hearts everywhere, that tomorrow will be better than today, but enjoy as much as you can today. 

So lets all go out today and make a list of things we want to do, we've always wanted to do, something like how it was in the movie "Dasvidaniya" where the lead hero, played by Vinay Pathk, who had just found out he was going to die and had time to do some of the 10 things he always wanted to do. We may all not be so lucky, so why wait, lets get going and start by making the list.

The Pseudo-intellectual Rupee

Though we (Indians) were the earliest users of coins and currencies, read silver coins since the 6th century BC, we are the latest addition to countries having symbolic currencies. Now I don’t know how this will help us or the country in any beneficial tangible way.

Does having a pictogram make it any different? Just coz now I will not be writing Rs. instead will use IIT-an planned symbol, which incidentally is not even on my list of symbols also; will it mean something new? What got me ticking was that, we are superficially trying very hard to be at par with other developed countries but are not doing much to be as them in our roles or should I say souls. Now we have an icon for the rupee but as of date the value of the rupee is degrading.

Looking back to the journey of the rupee, this was coined as a silver coin by Shersha Shri in 1540-45, and then named as the “RUPEE” by the East India Company under the ruling of some Mohd. Shah in the year 1719-58. The original Rūpaya was a silver coin weighing about 11.34 grams. Please excuse me for my dates and names, have always been a poor history student.

Historically, the rupee was a silver based currency. This had severe consequences in the nineteenth century, when the strongest economies in the world were on the gold standard. The discovery of vast quantities of silver in the U.S. and various European colonies resulted in a decline in the relative value of silver to gold. Suddenly the standard currency of India could not buy as much from the outside world. This event was known as "the fall of the Rupee." (Source Wikipedia)

Futuristically, the Indian Currency, Rupee has a symbol. Originally formed by the merger of the Sanskrit “Ra” and the English R without the stem; it supposedly reflects and captures the Indian ethos and culture. Don’t ask HOW!

I know no one’s asked me, but as it’s my blog I will put forth my views. Instead of trying to symbolize something why not develop and make firm the identity of the existing Rupee. Why can’t we make the rupee such a sturdy and stable currency that will be in no need of some character depicting our ethos and cultures, which itself are aping the west! 

I just would like to wish here, may this new symbol bring with it the rise of our nation and currency, here I know lots of exporters and BPO's who will not agree with me. 

Then and Now but When?

When some 10 years back I used to indulge in rasgullas (an Indian sweet) for jus Re.1 per piece the same thing costs more than 8bucks today!

Inflation is something that we have been accustomed with for years now. We don’t question it any longer nor do we fight it, we may just give ourselves an extra holiday under the camouflage of a “BANDH”. We may be for it or against it; we all get pleasure from the day off! 

On one side prices of necessities like food, medical, fuel have skyrocketed, but at the same time technology and entertainment have sky dived!

Look at the prices of pulses and grains; they too seem to have takes wings! But at the same time internet prices have fallen down from Rs.75 to almost Rs.5 per hour! STD and ISD calls used to burn holes in pockets then, now is a daily thing.

Though petrol and diesel prices have increased traveling by road and train costs, flying has become cheaper and easier. I wonder how and why?  Traveling then was planning for months for trips to Kullu Manali or Kodaikanal but today Singapore- Malaysia trips are just a break from the routine.

On the entertainment front look at all the channels we have on offer now days! Those days hum log and chitrakar was good enough for the whole family, but today we have personalized channels catering to different age groups specifically.  In those times we were happy to watch movies in theaters but today people want to watch only in 3-D and Inox!

Mobiles then were a thing for the upper crust only, but today even my sabzi wala (vegetable vendor) and the house helper are seen sporting the best devices! Gadgets and devices have seen the biggest dip in prices, from black and white television sets to LED’s we’ve been witnesses to drastic changes and developments in the field of electronics.

All these things have changed, and change is either for good or for bad, but there are some things I would like to see a change in. I would like to change our attitude towards GIRL-CHID, having a boy child is a must in most of our Indian as well as most Asian houses still. When will our fixation with a boy child change?

Why do parents still want their kids to be engineers and doctors, why are other professions still looked down upon? Why a profession’s worthiness still calculated on the basis of one’s ability to financially gain from it?

When will we Indians stop looking down on things that are Indian? Why wearing US and UK brands is still a matter of pride for us, when most of these so called US-UK brands are manufactured here in India and then sent there in the first place.

When will we be more environment conscious and start respecting people who try to save water and electricity? Recycling is good not a sign of a miser. It’s the mindset I want to see change towards saving our earth’s resources. Be it recycling or reusing.

When will our attitude towards other religion change? When will we stop fighting over our Gods? When the god themselves are existing in peace up there, I don’t know why we have to exchange blows for them down here.

These were a few things I want to change, would like to read yours.

                                                             

i hate SOB stories

I had gone for the movie with lots of high expectations which were much misplaced. Last I would have expected from not 1 but 2 “Intelligent” actors to dish out something as fishy and stinking as I hate LUV stories, well that misspelled love only should have warned me! But as I’ve been a great fan of SRK & Kajol’s DDLJ and almost all love stories, I was not expecting to be THIS disappointed.

The movie started off on a cute note, but you can’t keep going on the same note for the whole time! I agree there were some nice moments, but hey, even shows on the telly can tickle my funny bone! I came here for some romance some magic and of course for some drama! But all I got was some under and over the hand pot-shots at the producer of the same film and also some of my most favorite scenes! I might have liked it, even enjoyed it; had it been accompanied something substantial or meaningful. But an overdose of insincere and pointless such references brings me to think how can you ridicule the past when all you’re showing us are their portrayals and then going ahead and doing the same things!

Here, I would like to appreciate that Karan Johar and the host of other celebrities who were used in the movie, have definitely proved their sporting spirits. The movie in a whole was more of a tutorial for people who want to take up movie making seriously ;).

I don’t like commenting on the actor’s acting or dancing skills, but here again I’ll make an exception, as there are some things even a novice like me can’t ignore. This particular scene when Imran Khan (J and not Jay) goes down on his knees to propose Sonam Kapoor (Simran) made me wince and close my eyes! Imran is an actor who tires only to act with his face, the rest of his body is just so stiff, even while dancing, at the same time Sonam is much more controlled and even looked stunning but still left u feeling something is missing!

Yes of course, how can I not mention styling and clothes? While Sonam’s clothes were very wearable and glamorous at the same time, the white flower stood out as a sore thumb. Even Imran Khan had perfected the look of the character but his body language seemed too loud for my taste, though I loved the sling he was carrying for the most part. But I dint understand the need to open his buttons in the song and dance sequence.

All in all, the movie felt flat on its face, and the ‘movie-within-a-movie’ formula does not help at all in the climax. Well for the villain, as there was one missing on the screen I’d say it should be Karan Johar for approving and financing the script!

Anyone for Coffee and Pakodas?

It’s that time of the year again! Yes, its monsoons, India’s most favored all time season! I don’t know why, but this is the season that most of things happen in, for example, in movies all the good, bad and romantic stuff has to happen it will be raining. If someone has died, it’s raining; just when the lead pair has confessed to their loves it starts showering; when the bad guy is bashing the good guy it’s again pouring.

What is it with monsoons that all of us associate the good and the bad with it simultaneously? We may love the rains, we may hate the rains but we can’t do without it. Especially for people living in India, it holds an altogether direct connect line. Don’t we all often come across conversations indicating the rains somehow or the other? I think after Bollywood and Cricket, it is the monsoon season that binds India.

Well for me I love and hate (something like the 2 sides of a coin) the rains for lots of reasons. And no here I was not inspired by the now showing movie I hate Luv Stories.

• For obvious reasons, Mitti Ki Khushbu (Smell of the soil) tops my chart of LOVE but then with it comes the same mitti (wet sand) getting onto my lowers/clothes, shoes or other things I HATE it!

• Then next I guess should be the pakodas- how some things are always the same with us Indians! I LOVE the smell of pyaz ke pakodas – how is it spelled? Well I’ll rephrase it; I love the smell of onion fritters love biting into hot fritters while enjoying the season. You must be wondering how I can hate the pakodas if I love the smell and the taste so much, but dearies, I HATE the calories it brings with it.

• I LOVE enjoying my cozy bed, with its quilts and not being bothered all day, but HATE leaving its coziness to get all the things I’d forgotten outside.

• LOVE sipping my hot cup of coffee and sitting on the indoor hammock but HATE making tea for everyone else a million times!

• LOVE the sounds of thunder and lighting but HATE that the same causes our power blackouts! For all my NRI friends, let me tell you, this is such a severe problem in India, that even if the skies are just threatening to rain, we have a power cut.

• Another of my LOVE is reading, and I wait all year round to pick my choicest of romance novels and start reading, but I HATE reading book which do not have crisp pages.

• Going for long drives with him is also very much on my LOVE list, but HATE getting stuck in the monsoon jams!

 Oh the list is getting bigger and bigger; let me save some for the next round and go out to enjoy the rains as of now! In the meantime I would love to hear about your LOVEs and HATEs too.

The Fine Grey Line

Do your grades prove your true intellect? X may be a scholar in school days, but today I’m in a better position than X. But who decides if X is better or worse than me?

Does misleading amount to lying? I’d read somewhere that if your lie does some good then it’s a good lie. But who decides if your lie is going to be good or bad in the long run? And for whom does it have to be good, for you or for the other person?

You earn more than me, is this better or worse? You may be earning more but I live better, so who scores more? And who is keep score in the first place? And even if you are keeping score, how does it matter?

Your son sings better than my daughter, does this mean your child a better child then mine? Why do parents want to make their kids sing at all social do’s is something I never understood? What are you trying to prove in the first place?

Who decides that a fairer girl is better suited to marry than a darker one? Why cant a girl whose roti is not as round as a bucket be better on other counts?? Is the circumference of a chapatti the deciding factor of her capability as an individual? I personally have friends who are excellent cooks but can’t roll a round roti! So what!!

How have all these personal opinions become verdicts of our day to day lives? Are we better human beings just coz the other person is not so good in the eyes of the society? When will our fixation with all these weird notions change?

Let’s just live and let live! Enjoy life till it lasts, as it is its very short to be troubled with matters not in our hands. Be more forgiving and tolerant towards others.

Toys Aaj Kal

Today’s modern-contemporary – evolving every minute world is so different from what we were used to a decade back. This reality hit me when yesterday; a friend’s son added me to his facebook list (I've warned him against calling me AUNTY on FB)! Mind you the kid I’m talking about is hardly 7years old.

This incident zapped me. Instantly I went back to the days when I was that age, happy and content to be playing with my dolls. The internet was not even a far away dream. Look at all the hi-tech toys and games today’s generation have, what started with the (now so called) simple Atari and Nintendo games has now gone completely out of hand with the likes of Wii and Xbox!  To an old timer like me they are more complication than entertainment!

When I was first introduced to the computer, they were huge and used only to play bricks and PC man. We used to write small statements on something called DOS; I wonder what happened to that small black and white screen? That too under serious supervision by my parents, maybe they thought the new “thing” would eat me if they left me alone with it! And look at kids today, they know much more about this “thing” than we ever were taught in our 10 years of computer classes!

Oh and we were allowed to sit in front of the machine max for 1 hour, it was feared we might go blind! But now I can’t imagine children being away from the system even for an hour!

The same thing happens with mobiles these days, the only game we had were snakes, and today kids think having a 8GB memory card even in their phones is not good enough! What all do they put in the phone? It’s almost like their virtual home! There was a time, when Bill Gates had stated that we would never need more than 8 GB of space even in our PC’s, what was he thinking of?

Today cell phones come not just with the basic features of a phone but with duel cameras, video recorders, FM players; MP3/4/5s and I don know what not! Not to mention internet on the go (whatever that is). What next I wonder.

Have you ever wondered how theses kids get the hang of all these gadgets on their own but fail to understand the simple equations of math’s and science! They fail to read their history texts but will stay up till late to learn the features of their iPones and Blackberries! If only they would use their skills to better their grades!