A Father's Death

I want him to die.

God please kill him.

Take him away forever.

I wish to kill him myself.

Give him death and free him from the pain and the torture.

I could not see him in this trauma, God spare us.

These thought plagued my head. I told him to dream, to live and to survive, I said we were fighters, but today it’s best he leaves and goes away. To a better place.

Last year he was diagnoised of cancer. They said he had a good chance if I would go for chemo. We said we will fight death, we can and we will survive. Never knowing it was our last fight. Each treatemnt weaker than the previous one, each taking a heavy toll on both of us.

His skin was peeling and burning, his body aching and crying, medications and radiations all being worse than the disease. I could not hold his hands, so was clinging to his hospital robe, chanting and praying to wane the germs away. But sometime that night I lost him.

I cried, cired lots, not knowing if they were tears of relief or of loss. Relief cause my son was free from his misery and in peace loss because he was the only person I had. Today my son din't die alone, I as a father also died.

But at the end of it I knew he was in a better place, in peace and without misery. 

Have you ever had such magical moment when you felt such strong emotions? Although a dream, it seems so real to me! I am sure you have a story to tell too, share your thought as a comment here or on the Close-Up Facebook page. This post is participating in a contest, please vote for me on Indiblogger by clicking on promote there, if you want me to win! Thanks!

Revamp Your life

We all have heard about makeovers. National International brands flourishing very well still go in for make overs or brand repositioning. Take for example, Reebok, Airtel, Videocon even coke which has been around for decades now, have all gone under the designer’s knife.

Multinationals change anything from its colors, tag lines to even its logo. Why do they need to do this? Especially when they are doing well with their present image. A brand is given a make over so as to being a freshness to it, so as to keep up with the newer breed of brands.

Same ways in life there are lots of times when we need a make-over. Revampign your life means bring with it a new zest to live, a new enthusiasm. When we keep doing things on a day to day basis for years at a stretch life tends to become monotonous and mundane.

We can live life in three ways.        

First way is to walk the path that the world is walking on.  

Second, do what we think is the right thing to do. Follow your head.

Third and the last way is to live life is by doing what you enjoy doing, what makes you happy, and enjoying your interests.

To develop your interests and to cultivate them into talents is a path less traveled. In today’s fast paced lives we forget what we like, what makes us happy, we run behind things that most of the time make others happy. Who has the time to think and analyze, we all want to just get to that coveted spot number 1 in life, earn lots and prosper lots, but what about quality, what about the other things in life. Mostly the immaterialistic things in life are neglected.

How often have we seen parents missing out on routine events in a child’s life for an important meeting? The same parent later, while spending time with his grandchild will wonder and repent missing out on doing all those things with his child, when he could.

Life revamping is all about taking time out now, for yourself and going through the other paths and options to be followed in life, while maintaining the primary focus of your life. You need not quit your job, but all you might need is to cut down on the number of hours, skip one or two meetings a month, to do what you want, when you can, who knows how many birthdays are left in your account.

Some small things to help you reposition your life could be

Change your look. It could be something simle as getting a new haircut, to something more drastic like changing your style of dressing.

Change the decor of your house, of your room, your bathroom or even just your cupboard. You could simply paint the whole house into a new theme or just one wall in your room, as per your circumstnaces. It will help.

Small changes in your rotuine also help. Like taking a new road to your office, or taking the stairs instead of the elevator.

Pursue your hobbies and interests. Do what you had always wanted to do. Paint, write, photography, travel, everything else can wait. If you are the sporty types, learn and play a sport regularly.

Build on memories revisit old friends, go thorugh the stack of old photographs, and write down what you rember about those people and things now. Who would you like to meet again, what would you like to do again, where would you like to go again?

Plan ahead the places you have always wanted to see, the things you had wanted to do, like climb the effiel tower, make practicla plans, and work towards it.

Go ahead make a new start all over again, get refreshed get rejuvenated. And  be better prepared to take on the world. 

Now as I’ve already done all this, I need a few more suggestions from your side. Leave me more ideas.

Before posting my previous post about my friends Wanni and Brian, I had shared it with some people whom I know personally, as a test, to see what kind of reactions I’ll get from others. Most of them as expected were negative, everyone told me how I could post something on these lines; some even blamed me for advocating adultery.

Again after posting it, I came across people trying to explain to me that what Wanni and Brain were doing was not ethical, it was not right for the society.

Here I understand that emotional infidelity is worse than physical infidelity and all, but at the end of it, these two adults are doing what is making them happy, at the same time not compromising on their responsibilities and social standing.

Had I mentioned that Brian and Wanni were good or best friends than this issue would not have been raised in the first place. Tell me one thing, will changing the name of the relationship change their feelings for each other.

We often find that in India, lots of girls tie “Rakhi” to their male friends, feigning to be there brothers and sisters, these girls seriously believe that this ritual allows them to hang around with their guy friends too. And it does, when she says, he’s my rakhi brother; they are not “linked”.

I often ask myself, why something that makes us happy is judged on the basis of someone else’s belief of right or wrong. Why can’t we do some things in life being selfish, why has this sense of righteousness been so strongly instilled within us? And who has done it too. Whether its parents, society or extended family, it is ultimately us. It is us who have created then abided and now carried forwards these decrees of living, for better or for worse, depends on the circumstances of different individualistic situations.

Wanni and Brian

Most of the times when people want to show love, affection they show it through some sort of a physical contact. When its love between two people from the opposite sex, it is deemed and expected that they marry and live together.

When I was in school, secondary school, I had heard someone say, love is a very difficult thing to get, meaning, you may have boyfriends now, but from amongst millions only one will get to marry the guy she is in love with.

In movies also, I was always shown a boy courts a girl, girl shows attitude for some time and then falls in love with the boy. Then they face resistance from their families and after lots of drama and tears, all fall in place and they marry, to live happily ever after.

But in real life, I came across a story or rather a real tale of these two people whom I’ve known for some time now. Some time as in I’ve known Wanni for more than 18 years now. Met her recently, coincidently. Like fate wanted me to meet her and write about her, her experience with love.

I’m sharing this with my readers obviously after receiving permissions from both and also after changing their names, but other than that the rest of it is true.

He saw her at a family gathering, a picnic of some sorts, when he was just in his teens, class 9 i.e.14years old, to be precise. She was in class 7, not even in her teens, just 12 at that age.

The next time he noticed her was during Navratri, a Gujarati celebration of dance and music, which has spread throughout India and amongst all Indians now. 

Their parents shared quite some common friends because of which they often bumped into each other at family and social dos. Then he asked her to be his friend, those days a Hindi song “kya tum mujshe dosti karogi” (will you be my friend) was very popular. He sang that holding her hand in his car, while their respective mothers were in the front seat. She blushing, (should be) said “NO”; that’s what a a decent girl of those days was expected to say!

All this went on for some time, he used to come with the excuse of going for a walk while trying to see her board her bus early in the morning, and then waiting with binoculars in his balcony for the same bus to bring her back in the afternoon.

Finally she relented, and agreed to be “just friends” with him. And they went on like that for some time. Planning and pushing their respective parents to organize more outings and picnics so as to be able to just see each other. Those days there were no mobiles or the internet, so they had to use the telephone to talk to each other when their parents were out.

Though a strong bond it was completely platonic, it was those small somethings that are nothings that made them click and stick to each other. Things like talking from underneath the blanket when his brother was sleeping with him, or keeping a place for her near him while playing games with other family members, so as to be able to hold her hand, play with her fingers.

But then one day, his mother came across them and found out, and as seen in all Hindi movies, they were made to move away. He was made to promise never to get in touch with her and she too was told to keep distance. But they managed to sneak out at times and talk or meet up somehow. But both knew a future together was not in store for them.

Soon after this, his mother started a mad girl-hunt for his barely 18 year old son. And she found her match in a 16 year old girl, very pretty, very beautiful, just how she wanted her “bahu” (daughter-in-law) to be who was more necessarily from his caste also.

He was engaged, to a much prettier girl, someone who had lots of dreams and love in her eyes for him, he too was much in love with her also.

I don't know exactly how things were for him after that, but I know this much that, as Wanni’s parents were unaware of things between her Brian, and his mom, made her attend all those socials like old times, but this time she had to see her Brain with someone else, holding her hand and looking in her eyes, like how he used to do when they were together. She also had to attend his marriage and show her enthusiasm and enjoy it too.

 

In a way she wanted his marriage to work out and wished him happiness but also was sad that it dint work for her. But as she was still young and had lots to see in life was confident she will meet her better match too.

During the same time, she had finished her school and moved to a new place for college, met new people and more boys. But Brian was always around, somehow destiny used to make them meet and they used to pick up threads from where they had left.

It dint matter that he was married, she was dating someone else, or they dint have a future. They had their bond, their something special, yet platonic.

She also got married to a very caring and loving guy with whom she shares a very special relationship, but still Brain is Brain for her.

Time flew away, years have now become more than a decade, they both met so many people, so many special people, some still there some left, but they are still there for each other. Wanni and Brian.

They were separated by tons of excuses that were by relationships, by time, by distance, by families, by responsibilities, but destiny kept them together, through Love. Being together need not mean being physically together. Just knowing that there is someone for you somewhere is more than enough.

For me this is the best love story that I have come across in real or in reel. It taught me one thing, love is not about getting married and having sex, its about you, its more than that, coz no matter what you have your feelings are yours.

 

Visa: Rejected

Very often we (as in Indians living in India), come across people who are in awe of others residing in the US, the America. Having lived in Gujarat, where no family is without some or the other relative in the states, I've never considered getting a US visa a hurdle in my life. Maybe more so coz I never “needed” to. Needed being the key word here.

There’s this lady I’ve known for some time now, Twish, who is married in India and has her parents living in the US. Both her parents are working in different sectors, which do not give them sufficient holidays simultaneously to come to India together. Because of this Twish has not met both her parents at the same time for more than a decade now. She’s applied for visas twice, rejected on both times. She has a family here, husband who’s earning much more than some of his counterparts on the American soil are, a daughter who’s doing very well academically and in-laws and other extended family members who make life worth living in India. But still the American authorities think she is a high risk illegal immigrant who once enters their soil will not leave. I want to ask why? Why will a lady leave her house, her family and want to stay there on her own that too illegally? I don't understand them and they don't understand us. For an Indian lady her child, her husband and his family is of utmost priority.

There was this other case which I heard about through Twish only, which is the main reason that propelled me to write this post today.

Uncle is a father, actually was a father of a young vibrant 20 something girl, his only daughter, whom he had send with a heavy heart, for letting her build a brighter future to the US for her further education. He wanted her to have the best in life, achieve all her aspirations and life to the fullest. All this came to a sudden, unexpected end in an accident which took her very far away then just a few thousand miles. She passed away in a distant land, alone. Her father wanted to go to US and get her body with him, so he applied for his US visa. Uncle did not want his daughter’s body to come alone like unclaimed baggage. But he was denied, rejected, saying it was not necessary.

It may not be necessary for her, or for the visa officials, but it was for a father, who had lost his only child. This is one of the most inhumane act that I have come across by a country who pledge on a daily basis to fight for humanity, for betterment of the human race and brotherhood. All these are just words. Just a guise.